Verbal Insults

It's never okay. In the past four days I have been verbally harassed by two different men in public places. One was a teenager, the other in his mid-fifties. One was black, the other was white. Both were at major retail chains. Both incidents were initiated by the men. Both times there were numerous witnesses. Both times I found myself stunned, unable to muster the words that are usually so quick to my tongue.

The first was random and unexpected. Standing amidst the storage containers at Target three teenagers came rounding the corner playing a fast paced game of hide and go seek. Everyone looked, no one said anything. When one of the young men grabbed my cart and flung it at his friend. I looked and said, "Hey, that's enough that's my cart." The series of expletives that flew from his mouth at top volume were astounding. All directed at me. I looked at him stunned said "enough" and then simply turned away, not wanting to provoke the situation further. The boys moved on.

A few minutes later as I was maneuvering the containers into my cart  the same teenager came around the corner to my right and started hurtling additional insults directly at me regarding my weight, my gender, my existence. I looked up and saw his friends circling, watching from a far. He was looking for a reaction, largely out of a second bout of shock, I gave him none. I couldn't find my quick wit, I was suddenly rendered silent by a teenager showing off for his friends, a target for their amusement.

I look quickly for a manager, any employee and found none. I debated heading to the front of the store, reporting it. I did nothing. I quickly finished my shopping and left looking over my shoulder the whole time. I was angry at the situation. I was angry at my inability to respond.

Then tonight without notice as I stood waiting to check out at Petsmart from the vet clinic a man who was also waiting to check out pushed down the counter towards me all the while voicing his need to check out quickly. He gave me a once over and loudly said "You clearly have no where to be or rush off too. You're of no importance. I have a kid I'm late to pick up at karate and I need my dogs. You can wait."

I looked at him startled, my dog at my feet anxious to leave. "I'm sorry," I said shocked by his aggression and word choice. "I'm checking out, I've been here nearly an hour, it will only take a moment."

Raising his voice he replied, "No, you can wait. You had someone helping you and I need to go. I need to leave you WILL wait." The poor vet tech behind the counter was frozen, lacking a witty remark I turned to her and said to take care of him so the problem would go away.

He remarked again, "That's right ____ you wait." I stood there silenced, stunned. Again, my words failed me.

And now I'm angry. Angry that I lacked the words to retort? Yes. But far more angry that it was acceptable or even conceivable for these radically different individuals to behave in such a way. Both times my gender was a factor. Both times bystanders stood there and did nothing.

No one struck me. There was no blood spilled, but a serious offense was committed.Verbal abuse of any kind is unacceptable. How has it become acceptable in society, across ages, to treat women, or any individual for that matter in such an offensive manner?

Why is this type of bullying tolerated? I can remember grade school insults being hurled at me for my weight and my acne. I spent nearly an entire semester hiding under a slide during recess reading a book to avoid being targeted. But I found my voice, my confidence and never looked back.

Now in my thirties the same school yard bullying behavior was thrust on me again and again I found myself speechless. The one so often ready with a retort, left dumbfounded by a flurry of insults not worth my time.

This type of behavior cannot stand.