It's never okay. In the past four days I have been verbally harassed by two different men in public places. One was a teenager, the other in his mid-fifties. One was black, the other was white. Both were at major retail chains. Both incidents were initiated by the men. Both times there were numerous witnesses. Both times I found myself stunned, unable to muster the words that are usually so quick to my tongue.
The first was random and unexpected. Standing amidst the storage containers at Target three teenagers came rounding the corner playing a fast paced game of hide and go seek. Everyone looked, no one said anything. When one of the young men grabbed my cart and flung it at his friend. I looked and said, "Hey, that's enough that's my cart." The series of expletives that flew from his mouth at top volume were astounding. All directed at me. I looked at him stunned said "enough" and then simply turned away, not wanting to provoke the situation further. The boys moved on.
A few minutes later as I was maneuvering the containers into my cart the same teenager came around the corner to my right and started hurtling additional insults directly at me regarding my weight, my gender, my existence. I looked up and saw his friends circling, watching from a far. He was looking for a reaction, largely out of a second bout of shock, I gave him none. I couldn't find my quick wit, I was suddenly rendered silent by a teenager showing off for his friends, a target for their amusement.
I look quickly for a manager, any employee and found none. I debated heading to the front of the store, reporting it. I did nothing. I quickly finished my shopping and left looking over my shoulder the whole time. I was angry at the situation. I was angry at my inability to respond.
Then tonight without notice as I stood waiting to check out at Petsmart from the vet clinic a man who was also waiting to check out pushed down the counter towards me all the while voicing his need to check out quickly. He gave me a once over and loudly said "You clearly have no where to be or rush off too. You're of no importance. I have a kid I'm late to pick up at karate and I need my dogs. You can wait."
I looked at him startled, my dog at my feet anxious to leave. "I'm sorry," I said shocked by his aggression and word choice. "I'm checking out, I've been here nearly an hour, it will only take a moment."
Raising his voice he replied, "No, you can wait. You had someone helping you and I need to go. I need to leave you WILL wait." The poor vet tech behind the counter was frozen, lacking a witty remark I turned to her and said to take care of him so the problem would go away.
He remarked again, "That's right ____ you wait." I stood there silenced, stunned. Again, my words failed me.
And now I'm angry. Angry that I lacked the words to retort? Yes. But far more angry that it was acceptable or even conceivable for these radically different individuals to behave in such a way. Both times my gender was a factor. Both times bystanders stood there and did nothing.
No one struck me. There was no blood spilled, but a serious offense was committed.Verbal abuse of any kind is unacceptable. How has it become acceptable in society, across ages, to treat women, or any individual for that matter in such an offensive manner?
Why is this type of bullying tolerated? I can remember grade school insults being hurled at me for my weight and my acne. I spent nearly an entire semester hiding under a slide during recess reading a book to avoid being targeted. But I found my voice, my confidence and never looked back.
Now in my thirties the same school yard bullying behavior was thrust on me again and again I found myself speechless. The one so often ready with a retort, left dumbfounded by a flurry of insults not worth my time.
This type of behavior cannot stand.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Pillow Carnage
After a dozen I stopped counting. The trouble is that the wrath against the pillows would come without warning. After months of what must have been an uneasy peace between the stuffed faction and the canine, it would start again. Sometimes a would be sacrifice was drug out to the living room, unharmed, but marked for death.
Other times it would be a polite pull off of the pillowcase, and corner bite to allow the stuffing to ooze out, but not render the pillow completely useless. Then the tactical strikes would begin. In a single sitting upwards of five pillows could be taken out. All rendered useless by a midsection tear or an across the top rip.
The sofa accent pillows never saw it coming. After years of not even acknowledging each other they were gone- left as carcasses to be cleaned up on the battlefield carpet. The replacements were gone within a month. Reclining watching TV now involves folding up blankets to create a headrest on the couch. Mainly out of fear that there must be a limit to how many pillows a person can really purchase on a rolling basis.
The morning routine involves stuffing the bed pillows in a closet and making sure it is firmly closed. The couch pillows used to get tossed up the loft stairs. All held hostage by the canine inhabitant.
But yesterday there was a sneak attack that went unnoticed. As I rounded the top of the stairs this morning with laundry in hand I glanced to my left and saw the tell tale signs of battle, fluff. Scattered across the papers waiting to be sorted by the lateral file, the final guest bedroom pillow had fallen. Quietly and without fanfare the ranks had been once again thinned.
Looks like it's time to go Target the replacements. It's getting hard and harder to find volunteers.
Other times it would be a polite pull off of the pillowcase, and corner bite to allow the stuffing to ooze out, but not render the pillow completely useless. Then the tactical strikes would begin. In a single sitting upwards of five pillows could be taken out. All rendered useless by a midsection tear or an across the top rip.
The sofa accent pillows never saw it coming. After years of not even acknowledging each other they were gone- left as carcasses to be cleaned up on the battlefield carpet. The replacements were gone within a month. Reclining watching TV now involves folding up blankets to create a headrest on the couch. Mainly out of fear that there must be a limit to how many pillows a person can really purchase on a rolling basis.
The morning routine involves stuffing the bed pillows in a closet and making sure it is firmly closed. The couch pillows used to get tossed up the loft stairs. All held hostage by the canine inhabitant.
But yesterday there was a sneak attack that went unnoticed. As I rounded the top of the stairs this morning with laundry in hand I glanced to my left and saw the tell tale signs of battle, fluff. Scattered across the papers waiting to be sorted by the lateral file, the final guest bedroom pillow had fallen. Quietly and without fanfare the ranks had been once again thinned.
Looks like it's time to go Target the replacements. It's getting hard and harder to find volunteers.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Ode to Tomato Soup
Or perhaps "A realization of my obsession with tomatoes in all forms." The summer tomato harvest isn't even in sight and I am already unconsciously peppering my cooking with a disproportionate amount of tomato goodness. Exhibit A: Cook's Illustrated Chicago Deep Dish Pizza. Yes, it's so good you capitalize every word. Note on Cooks Illustrated: It's a subscriber website, but they have a free 14-day trial, so if you aren't already a convert, scurry over there for this download and the one below.
Four days after that pizza, still eating it. Crust-still awesome. Sauce to cheese ratio-outstanding. A true leftovers champ. Inspired by this success and also because I meal planned around making it, I dove into Cook's Illustrated recipe #2 (Exhibit B) of the week, the creamy creamless tomato soup.
The headline: 45 minutes start to finish with time to make accompanying grilled cheese. Also, I continue my love affair with my stick blender. Wow that thing can blend a mean soup.
So back to the soup. Over the winter I put my crockpot to hard use making beef stew, chili, chicken noodle soup, etc. Now with the weather being a cluster as of late the crisp, rainy days have left me wanting a warm bowl of something.
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| Initial Soup Base |
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| The full soup before boiling and blending. |
I started to run it through a very fine mesh strainer to make it smoother, but it was taking forever and it was already pretty fine, so I just went with it as is and I'm not looking back. I'm already thinking about the next bowl. And the cream? Didn't miss it at all. It's a full bodied soup that when paired with a dairy ladden grilled cheese or salad is right on point.
Why have I generally skipped over tomato soups all of my life? I love tomatoes in every form. Well, I'll be making amends with this soup right through into caprese season. I mean summer.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Flash of Unity
Flash mobs. During Vietnam they called them gatherings, mass crowds, the anti-war movement, peace protests, on and on. There was a purpose, a focus, sometimes fractional, but largely focused towards a larger idea. Now we gather and leave.
I did not live through Vietnam. My "first war" was Gulf War I in sixth grade and I remember a friend's mom being deployed. I remember the CNN coverage that I later studied in college as the CNN effect. There were yellow ribbons on the trees and discussion of the creation of desert camouflage for the U.S. Military.
As I watched the gatherings on Sunday night at the White House, Time Square, and beyond at first I was awed. Wow, this massive and spontaneous outpouring of patriotism seemed momentous. Yet, I was torn. As I listened to the debate and discussion in the days that have followed my mixed emotions have expanded.
My daily NPR fix highlighted the fact that the college students that poured into the streets and onto campus quads were in middle school on September 11. Aware of the crisis, but largely unable to comprehend the larger geopolitical impact. Hearing student interviews, people spoke of thinking of Osama Bin Laden as Lord Voldermort or the Boogie Man. Really? Really? Your parents put you to bed telling you scary stories about how a terrorist organization is going to get you?
How can we have thousands of students stream out into the streets in the middle of the night who have exhibited no large opinion on the "hunt" to date. No group reaction to wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. No comment about whether or not this is or is not how the U.S. should be investing it's military resources.
So why the gathering? Because there is a yearning to be a part of something larger, something greater than themselves. To be a part of history. As long as it's done before the next "thing" comes up. Sustained engagement seems to be lacking. They're too busy. Class, socializing, exploring, interning, facebooking, repeat. We're all too busy. Too overwhelmed by the amount of information being shared or not shared. Able to click over to another channel rather than have the entire media consciousness be absorbed by a singular story. The fifteen minutes we allotted to this are up.
It has left me thinking hard about how do you harness that collective eagerness of a generation, a country so longing to be inspired. We inherently yearn for greatness. We want to be a part of something greater than ourselves. To leave the world better than we found it. Maybe this well intentioned outpouring can serve as spark for greater, authentic engagement. Not just something that lasts as long as your Capital Bikeshare Rental.
I did not live through Vietnam. My "first war" was Gulf War I in sixth grade and I remember a friend's mom being deployed. I remember the CNN coverage that I later studied in college as the CNN effect. There were yellow ribbons on the trees and discussion of the creation of desert camouflage for the U.S. Military.
As I watched the gatherings on Sunday night at the White House, Time Square, and beyond at first I was awed. Wow, this massive and spontaneous outpouring of patriotism seemed momentous. Yet, I was torn. As I listened to the debate and discussion in the days that have followed my mixed emotions have expanded.
My daily NPR fix highlighted the fact that the college students that poured into the streets and onto campus quads were in middle school on September 11. Aware of the crisis, but largely unable to comprehend the larger geopolitical impact. Hearing student interviews, people spoke of thinking of Osama Bin Laden as Lord Voldermort or the Boogie Man. Really? Really? Your parents put you to bed telling you scary stories about how a terrorist organization is going to get you?
How can we have thousands of students stream out into the streets in the middle of the night who have exhibited no large opinion on the "hunt" to date. No group reaction to wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. No comment about whether or not this is or is not how the U.S. should be investing it's military resources.
So why the gathering? Because there is a yearning to be a part of something larger, something greater than themselves. To be a part of history. As long as it's done before the next "thing" comes up. Sustained engagement seems to be lacking. They're too busy. Class, socializing, exploring, interning, facebooking, repeat. We're all too busy. Too overwhelmed by the amount of information being shared or not shared. Able to click over to another channel rather than have the entire media consciousness be absorbed by a singular story. The fifteen minutes we allotted to this are up.
It has left me thinking hard about how do you harness that collective eagerness of a generation, a country so longing to be inspired. We inherently yearn for greatness. We want to be a part of something greater than ourselves. To leave the world better than we found it. Maybe this well intentioned outpouring can serve as spark for greater, authentic engagement. Not just something that lasts as long as your Capital Bikeshare Rental.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Beautiful People, Beautiful Things
Being around creative people inspires me. Being around creative people that are dear friends is thrilling. Seeing their work up close and how joyful the act of creating makes them is fantastic.So tonight when I got to see a great group of friends, old and new, and check out my talented friend Jeanne Griffin's new creative gig called Zest I was delighted. And now have a new gorgeous necklace for summer. Her new collaboration with a friend is a pop-up boutique. So on point for right now, which is why her taste is always impeccable and on trend.
Finding a creative outlet is so critical to keeping the creativity in my work fresh. It's been waning as of late, so I'm in search of something new. Painting course vs. graphic design... hmm. Seems like a more logic summer endeavor than say working on an unhealthy tan at the beach. Maybe a little canvas, literal or digital is exactly what I need.
Finding a creative outlet is so critical to keeping the creativity in my work fresh. It's been waning as of late, so I'm in search of something new. Painting course vs. graphic design... hmm. Seems like a more logic summer endeavor than say working on an unhealthy tan at the beach. Maybe a little canvas, literal or digital is exactly what I need.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Maybe I'll Try Something New
Fittingly my first attempt at NaBloPoMo is around the word maybe. Since as of late I've been a whole lot of "maybe I'll do that later," a month of focused on writing might actually be useful and hopefully a bit less whiny than the drivel of late. Tonight I dove back into solid home cooking again. Perhaps not the healthiest of choices, the Chicago Deep Dish from Cook's Illustrated, but my first attempt at pizza dough and I'm really happy with the basic sauce from the recipe. Now I'm patiently waiting for it to cool to see if the effort is tasty.
Meal planning for the week has a few new recipes in store. A creamy (creamless) tomato soup, WW smothered pork chops, and a whole lot of asparagus. So delicious. Maybe I'll actually avoid eating out this week and stay on budget/schedule.
Meal planning for the week has a few new recipes in store. A creamy (creamless) tomato soup, WW smothered pork chops, and a whole lot of asparagus. So delicious. Maybe I'll actually avoid eating out this week and stay on budget/schedule.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Newton's First Law
Shaking off inertia is a psychological mind game that really does require a series of very small choices to be made in an effort to go from being completely at rest to a constant state of motion. Somehow in an effort to slow and enjoy life more I've managed to slow down so much, I'm missing out on the very things I am making time to enjoy. I've correlated being in a constant state of motion with doing too much and therefore rewarding myself with the privilege of doing less. Ha. What a fallacy.
I've managed to pull out running clothes and running shoes and set the alarm for 6:30. (I know that's not early for some of my friends, but do we need to discuss how much mornings and I do not get along?) I've also managed to hit the snooze button on two beautiful mornings for walking/running. I will not be discouraged, I can do this.
Note: I apologize for the more naval gazing turn of writing for the moment, I'm hoping by writing I start to be more accountable again.
In listening to the NPR piece about sitting too much at work, my sedentary routine was further amplified. Instead of wondering about why so many people are walking instead of working throughout the day, I should be applauding them for modeling a far more constructive approach to their health and workday.
I was surprisingly unable to even really delve into this New York Times piece on how sugar is poisoning us. My DH found it riveting and over 1.1 million people have viewed the video that highlighted the research. So I'm thinking about it and listening to the video as I type this entry.
What is not surprising when considering the state of inertia is that it effects every aspect of your life. Lack of interest in exercise has compromised my eating habits. By degrading my eating habits I've impacted our fiscal balance by eating out more and cooking at home less. Hello vicious cycle, I'm getting off this ride.
I've managed to pull out running clothes and running shoes and set the alarm for 6:30. (I know that's not early for some of my friends, but do we need to discuss how much mornings and I do not get along?) I've also managed to hit the snooze button on two beautiful mornings for walking/running. I will not be discouraged, I can do this.
Note: I apologize for the more naval gazing turn of writing for the moment, I'm hoping by writing I start to be more accountable again.
In listening to the NPR piece about sitting too much at work, my sedentary routine was further amplified. Instead of wondering about why so many people are walking instead of working throughout the day, I should be applauding them for modeling a far more constructive approach to their health and workday.
I was surprisingly unable to even really delve into this New York Times piece on how sugar is poisoning us. My DH found it riveting and over 1.1 million people have viewed the video that highlighted the research. So I'm thinking about it and listening to the video as I type this entry.
What is not surprising when considering the state of inertia is that it effects every aspect of your life. Lack of interest in exercise has compromised my eating habits. By degrading my eating habits I've impacted our fiscal balance by eating out more and cooking at home less. Hello vicious cycle, I'm getting off this ride.
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