Blech.

Silence has been brought to you by the letter I as in illness. Since late last Thursday I've been ruing the day/the person/the food that has gotten me sick (not sure which). All projects slated for the holiday weekend have not happened (save doing the laundry) as I have been practically comatose. Props to the dog for staying by my side, still slightly disappointed I couldn't teach him to run to the store for me. Sigh.

All those thoughts I had in my twenties about what I missed out on not ever living on my own without roommates of any sort... total b.s. Seriously. Having no one around to ask to run to get you something as simple as ice chips from the next room, let alone something from the store sucks. Call me dependent, whatever. There was nothing pleasant about my trip to the co-op for me or the cashier who looked at me like I might give her the bubonic plague as I attempted to secure broth and more applesauce.

Slowly regaining footing just in time for DH's pending return. Finally.

Dinner with the Whole Family

The upside of DH's constant travel as of late is being able to meet up with friends on short notice for a drink or dinner. It makes the days go more quickly and offers far better conversation (sorry pup). I've realized in meeting up with friends in the city and at their homes that I've gotten away from inviting folks over to our place.

As I pondered this, I realized it started out as not wanting to inconvenience friends with young kids. It was far easier for them for me to pop over to see them, sometimes with a full meal or just a bottle of wine in tow. Now as our friends kids are getting older, I'm realizing I might be rude and lazy in not inviting folks over.

Not wanting to have to obligate all of our friends into finding babysitters every time we invite them over, what's the best timing on having friends with kids over for dinner. Weekend? Lunch? Dinner? Menu? We love all our friends little ones, but without kids of our own we often miss out on the context clues of what easiest, best for our friends and their kids. Maybe they do want to come over sans kids. I have no idea.

So what's the best scenario, we want our friends to enjoy seeing us and vice versa, not cause more stress. So what do dinner parties look like with kids when hosted by non-kid friends?

Can't Type Eating

So it turns out my efforts to break up with McDonalds have be futile. And I can actually trace my weight gain to about the time my resistance started waning and then just flat out gave in. After eeking out my first 10 miler last year on the fumes of the previous year's training and coasting into summer on a runner's high, I flat out stopped. I mean just stopped.

While any individual with an ounce of common sense can wake up every morning and say simply: eat less, exercise more. Make healthy choices. Every time you eat you have a choice. Don't watch more TV, watch less by going out and doing something. I have ignored said knowledge by sitting still and feeding myself nonesuch.

Therefore I should not be surprised by the predicament I've eaten myself into. I take full responsibility for my expanding pants and inertia. Sure, I could give you a long list of environmental factors: stress at work, increased travel schedule by DH, breaking up with my trainer, and on and on. But the reality is, I have the time to make it happen and I'm not.

This morning my alarm was set to catch the 7am yoga class before work, my clothes were set out, but when the alarm went off, I rolled over and took over both sides of the bed since DH is traveling. Not exactly a calorie burning exercise.

I have 137 days until the Army 10 miler and I have to get my act together.

My über awesome, running her first half and full marathon this year, friend Kelly has recommend Jeff Galloway's training method and I'm looking at starting from the beginning with his 5K training podcast. I need to start a new routine. Create a new set of incentives so I stop going through the drive through and start going to the gym.

Summer Professional

Summer work clothes. It's the source of a daily dressing dilemma. Light enough to not melt on the way to work and running between buildings, but enough layers to survive air conditioned chilled buildings. Add to that not being the same size as last summer and I'm in a stuffed pickle.

I need to find the right pieces to get me through at least the first two months of summer that aren't too expensive and I can mix and match to have enough outfits to not literally wear the same thing everyday. The core pieces already in rotation are of course black pants, a winter white pant, and a gray pant. I'm hating every top I have in my closet. I have black sleeveless dress and a black/white print dress. Beyond that, a big black belt and a nude belt that I've been pairing endlessly.

I need color, I need easy, I need help.

S'mores

Um, made them tonight after grilling out. Awesomeness. What made them extra awesome were these ridiculous large marshmallows. Seriously, three times the size of a regular marshmallows. Run, do not walk to make s'mores with them.

Berry Welcome

Summer temps are seeping into the forecast so I decided to embrace the abundant berries at the store by making a simple straightforward crumble. Raspberries, blueberries and strawberries tossed together with a little flour/brown sugar and poured into a square pan. A quick crumble on top of flour/brown sugar/melted butter and into the oven at 350 for 35ish minutes until the berries just bubble. Eat.

It's a bit sweet. I might add oats to the crumble next time and maybe do blackberries instead of blueberries. All options I've seen in various recipes that make sense to me. Also, this would be awesome with cream, ice cream, etc. And I'm thinking a tiny sprinkle of fresh mint, thyme or sage when serving would be yum.

Apparently I Live in a Bubble

A recent conversation with a very, very close person in my life (from and living in Midwest for full disclosure) left me a little bruised. Definitively I was told that because I live "inside the beltway" I no longer understand what it means to be living in the Midwest or how people in the Midwest "are."

So all those times when I flinch during the campaign cycle when politicians say "he's a Washington Insider" which is code for an evil, disenfranchised, out-of-touch individual are now being applied to me. My zip code makes me a member of the "ruling class." Seriously, I'm not making this up.

Really? Wow, last time I checked I was still trying to figure out how to save up enough to buy house, cut my grocery and gas budget, cook better meals at home, and scrape together enough for a vacation if there's anything left over. How is that exactly out of touch with the rest of the country?

Furthermore, I was informed that people make a choice. You either do well or do good, but you can't do both.

Metaphorically staggering backwards, I recover enough to sputter, I'm sorry what part of working for a college and my spouse being an AID contractor scream doing well in your terms? Are we far more fortunate than many people really struggling to make the bills on a daily basis, absolutely. But have I sold out and started doing PR for people who club baby seals, melt the ice caps and want to build condos in Antarctica? Um, no.

I respectfully disagree on so many levels.

When the discussion devolves into you don't understand me because you live in Washington, I fear there's no conversation left to have... sigh.

Damn, I Became A Fiscally Responsible Adult

I fear my fiscal responsibility is spreading to every nanobite of my brain. We've been hunting for a new place and keep reaching the same conclusion that what we're looking for is still slightly out of reach. So instead of being reasonable, we plow forward and keep recalculating how far we're willing to stretch. Then reason kicks in and we tell ourselves, "no, don't be ridiculous" and retreat back to original savings goal. Five years ago, I might have been willing to stretch my budget and comfort level. Now,  fiscal security and responsible spending are these odd legitimate boundaries that I'm not willing to bypass. Wow. If I'm this much fun in my early thirties imagine how riveting we'll be in our forties and perhaps with kids. Ha. That will be awesome.

Tonight we drew a line and officially said no, we're waiting until we reach it. Responsibility makes me rootch. Oh yeah, I just broke out a Pennsylvania Dutch word. Yikes.

Translation Required

Having a spouse who travels regularly to far flung corners of the third world creates a unique balancing act in our relationship. We only have to manage for weeks at a time, not the years that military families often have to handle. But the time apart has certainly made me have a greater appreciation and admiration for the families that sacrifice their time together in service to the country.

We've learned overtime that we can manage the departure and even the time apart fairly well. Skype is a beautiful thing. When the Internet connection is spotty the Skype chat almost always works. Being flexible about the time of day we can chat can be challenging, but makes the trips easier. It's "re-entry" that is often the most challenging.

Coming off weeks of exhaustive work, sleep deprivation and long flights doesn't bring out the best in anyone. Merged with a fairly repetitive, domestic routine of work, walking the dog and cleaning isn't always pretty. I've learned that the three week barrier is noticeable. Another colleague's wife once characterized it as: week one you miss them, week two you work out a routine and by week three when they come back they are interrupting your routine. Sounds harsher than really intended, but the idea is generally correct.

The same patterns that we revert to as couples, can be maintained as individuals or radically altered when we are on our own. For most folks a few days a part might be a welcome occasional break. For most, regular departures is not ideal. I completely agree.

But when you know your life will include such a schedule, how do you evolve as a couple to make it as enjoyable and smooth as possible for both of you? The rewards of being with someone who truly loves their work is incredible. Truly living for the work, not just working to live.

Finding the right balance of get-a-ways, time at home, and respecting the transition time is important. How do you balance?

From Page to Table

As some Midwestern right of passage, my mother has long sent me magazine subscriptions. This past year, I finally asked if she could just send me Vanity Fair and the Economist instead. She kindly agreed, but as the subscriptions are running out on Midwest Living and Better Homes and Gardens, I do still read them.

This month I was pleasantly surprised that BHG actually had multiple recipes I wanted to make. So last night as we grilled out for the first time this season (yum BBQ chicken) I also made their new potato-cauliflower salad.

My affection for cauliflower, the often neglected or velveeta coated veggie, is life long snack companion. I'm always happy to see it in a recipe. I used croutons instead of the bread sticks, and french onion dip because I couldn't find the chive dip it called for, but all in all a good recipe that I would add a little tabasco kick or more pepper. Definitely making it into the summer rotation.

Leaving Money on the Table

After watching two episodes of Extreme Couponing I've been shamed into realizing I'm throwing money away at the grocery store. Let's not discuss the fact that I was watching this completely odd show in the first place. As I've mentioned, DH's travel allows a lot of free time for late night TV watching.

To be fair, I still don't quite understand why these individual families need 900 cans of rotel, hot sauce, and years of tooth brushes. I mean, even if the sleep medicine is free with the coupons, what are you going to do with 150 bottles of it? One family mentioned donating some items to a food bank (guessing tax write off), they all have these massive warehouse-style pantries in their houses. I digress.

On a weekly basis we purchase very few brand name products. There are very few coupons for fresh produce. I buy generic store brand a lot. So the end result has been not even looking for coupons, just store card sales. I'm realizing though with a little effort there are likely other savings to be had.

So I'm on a mission to inventory what products we use the most of and to figure out if there are coupons out there. The weekly circular doesn't really have brands we use that often. Any recommendations from other largely organic shoppers out there?

Beach Plan

You would think this is a post about exercising to get ready for the beach. You would be wrong. We're headed to the beach with the whole family in late June and we need to meal plan for the week to keep the trip on the cheap. So, I'm in search of the perfect meal suggestions. Breakfast at home, lunch on the beach and dinner at the house. Nothing particularly glamorous, just easy beach food. Suggestions welcome.

Breakfast Ideas

• Fresh fruit (whole and for smoothies)
• Cereal
• Granola w/ yogurt (and fruit, why not go parfait crazy)

Lunch & Snack Ideas

• Lots of cut veggies
• Welches fruit bites
• Sandwiches, but what type?
• Need more choices that can be consumed on the beach...

Dinner Ideas (largely for the grill)

• Balsamic marinade pork tenderloin with wilted spinach
• Burgers with grilled onions, blue cheese, spinach
• Cauliflower and potato salad
• Hotdogs (duh)
• BBQ Chicken
• Grilled veggies (zucchini, asparagus, peppers)

Babble With Little Substance

That title is truth in advertising.

Not that my blogging record for this month's Nablopomo was intact before blogger went down, but the two day forced hiatus didn't really help improve my track record. At any rate, climbing back on metaphorical blogging saddle...

Now appearing briefly back at home, DH. Yea! For a mere five days the continent has decided we can have him back here before he flies out again. Three trips so close together means interesting work for him, but lots of long hours and writing to be done. Not sure how much we'll see of him awake and not with his nose to the laptop. But here is better than not so we'll take it. And note the "we" in this little babble is me and the dog. When you spend weeks on end with just a canine companion you resort to referring to the pairing as "we," so pathetic.

The hunt continues for a proper house, but we keep striking out or getting out bid. So send good karma our way. I keep telling myself that we're saving more every month we don't find something so really there's no rush.

Operations recipe sort and picture books will be in full effect when DH takes off again so get excited.

Sorting Party

Sounds way more glamorous than "I spent my weekend going through papers and finding storage solutions for stuff." So my "sorting party" was a little like losing a bet. A few months back we created a new workspace in the loft for DH and quickly his paperwork began forming a moat around the area.

Compounding the paper lake was a separate sort we also completed of miscellaneous items that we had identified as needing or wanting to keep, but they had no proper home. DH had agreed to handle the paperwork, I had said when that was done I would deal with the rest.

My dislike for clutter finally made me cave. I spent several hours not only sorting through a hodge podge of college papers and portfolio materials, but also piles of DH's research. For the record the new fancy hotel workspace model the company has moved to where no one actually has an office is reeking havoc on our space. So delighted we can become the storage facility for papers that need to be kept for future projects, but can't be kept at the office because they eliminated all of the file cabinets. Brilliant.

So my Saturday/Sunday sort struck me as productive because I can see the floor again upstairs, but also made me wonder "how much of this do we really need?" There's that weird balance between not wanting to be a hoarder and also not wanting to get rid of literally every item the second you have no immediate use for it.

Are there reasonable standards for how much one should really have or hold on to? Holiday decorations are always a point of wonder for me. We currently have four boxes of Christmas decorations, one holds the tree, and the others are full of ornaments and various other decorations. It strikes me as too much, but I keep thinking that I'll use more of it. No?

Sure our china and crystal are still packed up and take up space, but that doesn't bother me. It's the seemingly random boxes of "memory" stuff that I fear could overwhelm us. We have at least three boxes of photos or mementos from the past 12 years and prior.  So do I take the time to make them all into books now? Minimize the space? How many childhood stuffed animals should we really hold onto?

I don't want to dispose for the sake of disposing, but I also don't want to be a warehouse for things of no use and no true sentimental value. How are you handling what to keep and what to not?

Verbal Insults

It's never okay. In the past four days I have been verbally harassed by two different men in public places. One was a teenager, the other in his mid-fifties. One was black, the other was white. Both were at major retail chains. Both incidents were initiated by the men. Both times there were numerous witnesses. Both times I found myself stunned, unable to muster the words that are usually so quick to my tongue.

The first was random and unexpected. Standing amidst the storage containers at Target three teenagers came rounding the corner playing a fast paced game of hide and go seek. Everyone looked, no one said anything. When one of the young men grabbed my cart and flung it at his friend. I looked and said, "Hey, that's enough that's my cart." The series of expletives that flew from his mouth at top volume were astounding. All directed at me. I looked at him stunned said "enough" and then simply turned away, not wanting to provoke the situation further. The boys moved on.

A few minutes later as I was maneuvering the containers into my cart  the same teenager came around the corner to my right and started hurtling additional insults directly at me regarding my weight, my gender, my existence. I looked up and saw his friends circling, watching from a far. He was looking for a reaction, largely out of a second bout of shock, I gave him none. I couldn't find my quick wit, I was suddenly rendered silent by a teenager showing off for his friends, a target for their amusement.

I look quickly for a manager, any employee and found none. I debated heading to the front of the store, reporting it. I did nothing. I quickly finished my shopping and left looking over my shoulder the whole time. I was angry at the situation. I was angry at my inability to respond.

Then tonight without notice as I stood waiting to check out at Petsmart from the vet clinic a man who was also waiting to check out pushed down the counter towards me all the while voicing his need to check out quickly. He gave me a once over and loudly said "You clearly have no where to be or rush off too. You're of no importance. I have a kid I'm late to pick up at karate and I need my dogs. You can wait."

I looked at him startled, my dog at my feet anxious to leave. "I'm sorry," I said shocked by his aggression and word choice. "I'm checking out, I've been here nearly an hour, it will only take a moment."

Raising his voice he replied, "No, you can wait. You had someone helping you and I need to go. I need to leave you WILL wait." The poor vet tech behind the counter was frozen, lacking a witty remark I turned to her and said to take care of him so the problem would go away.

He remarked again, "That's right ____ you wait." I stood there silenced, stunned. Again, my words failed me.

And now I'm angry. Angry that I lacked the words to retort? Yes. But far more angry that it was acceptable or even conceivable for these radically different individuals to behave in such a way. Both times my gender was a factor. Both times bystanders stood there and did nothing.

No one struck me. There was no blood spilled, but a serious offense was committed.Verbal abuse of any kind is unacceptable. How has it become acceptable in society, across ages, to treat women, or any individual for that matter in such an offensive manner?

Why is this type of bullying tolerated? I can remember grade school insults being hurled at me for my weight and my acne. I spent nearly an entire semester hiding under a slide during recess reading a book to avoid being targeted. But I found my voice, my confidence and never looked back.

Now in my thirties the same school yard bullying behavior was thrust on me again and again I found myself speechless. The one so often ready with a retort, left dumbfounded by a flurry of insults not worth my time.

This type of behavior cannot stand.

Pillow Carnage

After a dozen I stopped counting. The trouble is that the wrath against the pillows would come without warning. After months of what must have been an uneasy peace between the stuffed faction and the canine, it would start again. Sometimes a would be sacrifice was drug out to the living room, unharmed, but marked for death.

Other times it would be a polite pull off of the pillowcase, and corner bite to allow the stuffing to ooze out, but not render the pillow completely useless. Then the tactical strikes would begin. In a single sitting upwards of five pillows could be taken out. All rendered useless by a midsection tear or an across the top rip.

The sofa accent pillows never saw it coming. After years of not even acknowledging each other they were gone- left as carcasses to be cleaned up on the battlefield carpet. The replacements were gone within a month. Reclining watching TV now involves folding up blankets to create a headrest on the couch. Mainly out of fear that there must be a limit to how many pillows a person can really purchase on a rolling basis.

The morning routine involves stuffing the bed pillows in a closet and making sure it is firmly closed. The couch pillows used to get tossed up the loft stairs. All held hostage by the canine inhabitant.

But yesterday there was a sneak attack that went unnoticed. As I rounded the top of the stairs this morning with laundry in hand I glanced to my left and saw the tell tale signs of battle, fluff. Scattered across the papers waiting to be sorted by the lateral file, the final guest bedroom pillow had fallen. Quietly and without fanfare the ranks had been once again thinned.

Looks like it's time to go Target the replacements. It's getting hard and harder to find volunteers.

Ode to Tomato Soup

Or perhaps "A realization of my obsession with tomatoes in all forms." The summer tomato harvest isn't even in sight and I am already unconsciously peppering my cooking with a disproportionate amount of tomato goodness. Exhibit A: Cook's Illustrated Chicago Deep Dish Pizza. Yes, it's so good you capitalize every word. 

Note on Cooks Illustrated: It's a subscriber website, but they have a free 14-day trial, so if you aren't already a convert, scurry over there for this download and the one below.

Four days after that pizza, still eating it. Crust-still awesome. Sauce to cheese ratio-outstanding. A true leftovers champ. Inspired by this success and also because I meal planned around making it, I dove into Cook's Illustrated recipe #2 (Exhibit B) of the week, the creamy creamless tomato soup.

The headline: 45 minutes start to finish with time to make accompanying grilled cheese. Also, I continue my love affair with my stick blender. Wow that thing can blend a mean soup.

So back to the soup. Over the winter I put my crockpot to hard use making beef stew, chili, chicken noodle soup, etc. Now with the weather being a cluster as of late the crisp, rainy days have left me wanting a warm bowl of something.

Initial Soup Base

This quick tomato soup was the answer. There's nothing in this recipe you don't already have in your kitchen or could easily source at any grocery store. The only reason I'm not listing said recipe is I think CI is really strict about reproducing recipes. The kick in this recipe comes red chili pepper flakes, bread, brandy, the right onion/garlic ratio.

The full soup before boiling and blending.

I started to run it through a very fine mesh strainer to make it smoother, but it was taking forever and it was already pretty fine, so I just went with it as is and I'm not looking back. I'm already thinking about the next bowl. And the cream? Didn't miss it at all. It's a full bodied soup that when paired with a dairy ladden grilled cheese or salad is right on point.

Why have I generally skipped over tomato soups all of my life? I love tomatoes in every form. Well, I'll be making amends with this soup right through into caprese season. I mean summer.

Flash of Unity

Flash mobs. During Vietnam they called them gatherings, mass crowds, the anti-war movement, peace protests, on and on. There was a purpose, a focus, sometimes fractional, but largely focused towards a larger idea. Now we gather and leave.

I did not live through Vietnam. My "first war" was Gulf War I in sixth grade and I remember a friend's mom being deployed. I remember the CNN coverage that I later studied in college as the CNN effect. There were yellow ribbons on the trees and discussion of the creation of desert camouflage for the U.S. Military.

As I watched the gatherings on Sunday night at the White House, Time Square, and beyond at first I was awed. Wow, this massive and spontaneous outpouring of patriotism seemed momentous. Yet, I was torn. As I listened to the debate and discussion in the days that have followed my mixed emotions have expanded.

My daily NPR fix highlighted the fact that the college students that poured into the streets and onto campus quads were in middle school on September 11. Aware of the crisis, but largely unable to comprehend the larger geopolitical impact. Hearing student interviews,  people spoke of thinking of Osama Bin Laden as Lord Voldermort or the Boogie Man. Really? Really? Your parents put you to bed telling you scary stories about how a terrorist organization is going to get you?

How can we have thousands of students stream out into the streets in the middle of the night who have exhibited no large opinion on the "hunt" to date. No group reaction to wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. No comment about whether or not this is or is not how the U.S. should be investing it's military resources.

So why the gathering? Because there is a yearning to be a part of something larger, something greater than themselves. To be a part of history. As long as it's done before the next "thing" comes up. Sustained engagement seems to be lacking. They're too busy. Class, socializing, exploring, interning, facebooking, repeat. We're all too busy. Too overwhelmed by the amount of information being shared or not shared. Able to click over to another channel rather than have the entire media consciousness be absorbed by a singular story. The fifteen minutes we allotted to this are up.

It has left me thinking hard about how do you harness that collective eagerness of a generation, a country so longing to be inspired. We inherently yearn for greatness. We want to be a part of something greater than ourselves. To leave the world better than we found it. Maybe this well intentioned outpouring can serve as spark for greater, authentic engagement. Not just something that lasts as long as your Capital Bikeshare Rental.

Beautiful People, Beautiful Things

Being around creative people inspires me. Being around creative people that are dear friends is thrilling. Seeing their work up close and how joyful the act of creating makes them is fantastic.So tonight when I got to see a great group of friends, old and new, and check out my talented friend Jeanne Griffin's new creative gig called Zest I was delighted. And now have a new gorgeous necklace for summer. Her new collaboration with a friend is a pop-up boutique. So on point for right now, which is why her taste is always impeccable and on trend.

Finding a creative outlet is so critical to keeping the creativity in my work fresh. It's been waning as of late, so I'm in search of something new. Painting course vs. graphic design... hmm. Seems like a more logic summer endeavor than say working on an unhealthy tan at the beach. Maybe a little canvas, literal or digital is exactly what I need.

Maybe I'll Try Something New

Fittingly my first attempt at NaBloPoMo is around the word maybe. Since as of late I've been a whole lot of "maybe I'll do that later," a month of focused on writing might actually be useful and hopefully a bit less whiny than the drivel of late. Tonight I dove back into solid home cooking again. Perhaps not the healthiest of choices, the Chicago Deep Dish from Cook's Illustrated, but my first attempt at pizza dough and I'm really happy with the basic sauce from the recipe. Now I'm patiently waiting for it to cool to see if the effort is tasty.

Meal planning for the week has a few new recipes in store. A creamy (creamless) tomato soup, WW smothered pork chops, and a whole lot of asparagus. So delicious. Maybe I'll actually avoid eating out this week and stay on budget/schedule.